I have a cocktail of mental abnormalities that prevent me from having a lifestyle fit to my worthiness, therefore I live on the internet, of which, I don't even have friends here either. I expect nothing and hope for the end.
Major Depression, Paranoia, Skizoid, APD, Severe Anxiety. As I grow older and more alone it gets worse but I never wonder why.
I don't endorse you or me becoming this fucked up.
5 days ago3,048 plays
I’m ready to be done, in about 6 months it should be over. I wish I had someone to hold me in my final hours but I suppose that’s just a dream and I’ll pretend. Pretend that someone cares about me too.
So I removed myself from the lives of everyone, if they ever want me they can just talk to me themselves. I’m so sick of giving my heart away only to have it killed in a second of it’s own life. One guy thinks I just liked him because I was lonely? Doesn’t know who the fuck I am and I guess that was the problem. Another “went too fast” and just wants to be friends. That’s nice, after you push sex. Then another guy I climbed moutains with and did shrooms with I have no idea where he went, he was the kindest man I’m sure I’ll ever know and even a few days of talking to him he is gone too. All of them gone within a day or two. Their is something wrong with me and I’m so sick of it, good bye to everyone because this person is not going to be the same. She is damaged by humans, all those guys were just human and humans hate me for many reasons but mainly they don’t want me to love them or love me in return. I’m going to be by myself and fuck everyone else, I hate you and I hate me I’m probably wayyy too gross looking for people anyway so forget it. I’m so fucking done.
President Obama threatened on Tuesday to veto a major cyber security bill unless Congress amends it to include more protections for privacy and civil liberties.
Get mad yo
I seem to be, as humans usually are, inept to witness the joys of togetherness and harmony. It seems to be that the Gods refuse to let my other half soar with me into a world full of danger and pain. Thus I am here to walk alone, my bare feet unbandaged and bloodied from the sharp rocks of failure are the only things pulling me forward. The pain, the sensory overload taking hold of my body and twitching it into a direction, any direction, of pain and minimal hope. The inferno that was the passion of my soul burns blue with a placid, dull flame that flickers weakly in my chest. The golden precious lifeblood of my love burns as it courses through my body and damages my organs, no longer pumping life but stinging my body into a numb submission. Yet I keep walking, here, there, anywhere with the promise of a dawn creeping into my lackluster brown eyes. I see the horizon off in a distance but as I walk closer it seems to move further into the distance. Can you hear me cry? Can you see my tears? Do you know my real name? I ponder to you as you listen to my thoughts, you see this horizon turns into a world I can scarcely live in. I feel weak as I tredge on trying to figure out these simple questions as they pass through my idle mind while my body lives on. I think I understand my weeping face and can say what my true name is, the name that gives me strength and power to continue on. What is it? Ah, Hope. I know now why I’m in this hell. I give Hope to those who need me, I can tell you your true name and give you the strength to pull through. Will you take my hand and walk aimlessly with me? No matter what I will always love you with every bit of blood stinging my body, I will always care with every bit of my burning soul, I will always be here as my blood spills and my eyes cloud over. Yet, I fall. It hurts so much to fall on my face, no longer looking into the sun but to the cool dirt below me. I can smell the delicious earth that has caught my fall, I am too weak to stand and yet you walk over me to take my place. Take my burning blood, my placid eyes, my smoldering soul and my bloody souls. Walk with my ghost as the rest of us do. Yes, more of us walk beside you though you do not see us, we have given in. We will help you to walk into the horizon, aimlessly, we see the sun, we live in it as light beings as little angels protecting those who seek that horizon. Let me walk with you into the horizon though you forsaken me in my lively state let me ghost you into a new era of life. Carry on dear love, carry on little life, carry on where I could not and give me the strength of my one true name to be reborn and live again, walking to the ever moving horizon. Give me, Hope.
Thanks for being here ★